2013-02-14 / Columns

Off the Bookshelf

By Maralee Kalianoff

T.G.I.F. Thank Goodness It’s February

Aren’t you glad, like I am, that it’s finally February? Oh, come on, you know what I’m talking about. After a whole month of suffering and persecuting ourselves, we can finally put to rest the notion that we were really going to keep those New Year’s resolutions we made.

Let’s just take a little looksee at the most common New Year’s resolutions and why they fail. Here they are, in order of importance:

1. Lose Weight

Of course this one looks easy on paper. When we write it down, we are literally stuffed to the gills. After cramming ourselves with food at Thanksgiving, we continue the gluttony through the month of December when we party our fat selves through the Holidays. After continuing to “clean up” the leftovers from Christmas (we were taught, as good little children, to clean up our plates – the same theory applies to leftovers), we allow ourselves one more food frenzy on New Year’s Eve. The fact that we are reconciled to having to wear a toga over a pair of sweat pants because at this point, nothing fits, finally rings the little bell in our head which alerts us to the fact that we are, indeed, fatter than we were the day before the Turkey landed on our dinner table over a month ago.As stuffed as the turkey, it is easy to acknowledge “I’ve just gotta lose weight. It won’t be hard, I’m not even hungry. I can SO do this!” One week into January, we are gnawing on our knuckles, bored to death in the igloo, and grabbing a bag of Cheetos, a Snickers bar, and a can of pop to ward off the growling in our stomach. We placate ourselves by making sure it’s a “Diet Soda,” therefore making it “Not So Bad” and ignoring the calories in the other components of our chosen “lunch.”

2. Exercise More

“HA HA HA” about sums this one up. The operative word here is “More.” In my case, if I eat one more Twinkie while sitting on the couch watching TV, does the walk over to the trash container constitute “more” exercise than if I hadn’t eaten it at all and just sat there?

3. Make New Friends

Are you kidding me?!? I can hardly keep the friends I already have without worrying about new ones. I’m so crabby from denying myself chocolate, no one wants to be around me!

4. Enjoy Life More

Good plan. If I didn’t have to worry about keeping these stupid resolutions I made, I COULD enjoy life more.

5. Get Out of Debt

Spend Less Money

This would make Hubby really happy. I don’t know if I could stand to see Hubby that happy when I am miserable trying to lose weight, exercise more, and make new friends. Spending less money would definitely compromise my ability to enjoy life more. So, since “Enjoying Life More” is more important (being No. 4 on the list) I’ll simply have to ignore No. 5.

Delving further into why New Year’s resolutions fail, I found an article on the internet which explains that the primary reason for failure is the lack of a game plan. Game Plan? I didn’t even know I made the team. When I noticed the author of the article was a former Mrs. New Jersey, I decided right then and there, I definitely want OFF the team. Too bad, I tried, I really did. Game Over. Now, pass that heart-shaped box of chocolates, please, and let me enjoy Valentine’s Day.

Comments? Complaints? Constructive Criticism? Just want to vent? Contact Maralee in her igloo at: bonus73@hotmail.com.

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If a book you are looking for is not available at the Harry L. Petrie Library, Librarian Carla Frison will be happy to obtain it from the North Dakota State Library for you. If you return the book to the State Library in Bismarck within the allotted time, there is no charge. The staff can return it by mail but will have to charge you for postage.

Hours for the library in Linton are Monday from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m., closed on Tuesdays, 2-5 p.m. on Wednesdays, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Thursday and 2-5 p.m. on Friday. Friends of the Library meets every first Monday of the month at 7 p.m. at the Library. Everyone is welcome.

To contact Maralee, e-mail her: bonus73@hotmail.com and put Off the Bookshelf in the subject line.

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